View Photos of Asshole (2,524 photos)

If this resembles your Facebook profile page, you are wrong.  You are a no-go at life.

I have 71 pictures, which, honestly, is 70 too many.  All you really need is a profile picture.

What really grinds my gears are people who have thousands of photos online and feel even slightly indignant when one of them ends of getting that person in trouble.

This concludes my public service announcement.

My Trip to Austria

Facebook is being rediculous so I'll share these pictures here.

Why aren't there more vampire shows and movies?

So yeah, vampires must exist, since what else could have been able to resurrect Cory Feldman's career with their never-ending popularity.

I really don't have much to go on here, but it's getting ridiculous. Between Twilight, True Blood, and The Vampire Diaries, dramas about vampires will soon out-breed and overwhelm the previously dominant crime drama, and I don't trust Gary Sinise or Ice-T to be able to shoot wooden stakes in as straight of a line as their plots progress.

Fuck it.

An Apology

Posting has been sparse lately due to a general lack of things that are currently pissing me off, besides Baumholder weather.

Recently, however, the vicious killing of Kelly Ann Walz by a loving, caring, 350 pound black bear struck me as completely unwarranted and extremely unexpected for a wild animal that can run at 30 miles per hour and kill an elk with a single bear-judo chop to the neck.  I mean, who doesn't want an apex predator confined in a 15'x15' cage on their property?

        

 

Killer

Not a Killer. Also, not a real bear. 

The more I read this story, humanity as a species appears to grow dumber.  I'd like to believe that if I was a 350 pound aggressive predator and someone kidnapped me, I would be given some leniency in any bloodshed involved in my escape attempt.  Especially if that escape attempt lead to my captor receiving a Darwin Award. 

Allentown, PA. authorities say the incident is still under investigation, and I agree with their sticktoitiveness, because I would love to know why a completely innocent black bear was shot.  I'm not an animal lover, but I'm definitely a huge proponent of defending our gene pool.

In other animal news:

It would seem that the Recession doesn't discriminate amongst the species.  When, during simpler days, dumpster diving would have satiated even the most ravenous scavengers, Raccoons in Florida have fallen upon such harsh times they've grown a taste for human flesh, formed hunting gangs, and resorted to brutally assaulting the elderly such as 74 year old Gretchen Whitted from Lakeland.  At press time, the police have yet to determine this gang's motivation or regional affiliation, but the level of wanton disregard for human life would suggest Columbian or Russian ties.

Somewhere, a black bear just shit its pants.

Chicagoans (and no one else) shocked at Olympic Bid Loss

As the city of Chicago licks its wounds on the heels of a stunning(?) rejection by the IOC, one can only wonder if the tragic beating death of Derrion Albert - days before the IOC came to a vote - had anything at all to do with the decision.  

 

Chicago eagerly awaits memorial Derrion Albert T-shirts. Until then, crying over not hosting the Olympics will suffice

 

Having been born in Chicago, I would feel embarrassed at the obvious lack of priorities if I could remember anything about the city except HOLY FUCK IT'S COLD. (Also getting stuck in an elevator at age 5. Great memories. No I'll take the stairs, thanks.)

On a lighter note, failure to secure the bid for 2016 has left my Commander in Chief in the Doghouse:

 

"Mmmm...No. Tell me, does that tie also taste like a candy-cane?"