Recently, however, the vicious killing of Kelly Ann Walz by a loving, caring, 350 pound black bear struck me as completely unwarranted and extremely unexpected for a wild animal that can run at 30 miles per hour and kill an elk with a single bear-judo chop to the neck. I mean, who doesn't want an apex predator confined in a 15'x15' cage on their property?
Killer
Not a Killer. Also, not a real bear.
The more I read this story, humanity as a species appears to grow dumber. I'd like to believe that if I was a 350 pound aggressive predator and someone kidnapped me, I would be given some leniency in any bloodshed involved in my escape attempt. Especially if that escape attempt lead to my captor receiving a Darwin Award.
Allentown, PA. authorities say the incident is still under investigation, and I agree with their sticktoitiveness, because I would love to know why a completely innocent black bear was shot. I'm not an animal lover, but I'm definitely a huge proponent of defending our gene pool.
In other animal news:
It would seem that the Recession doesn't discriminate amongst the species. When, during simpler days, dumpster diving would have satiated even the most ravenous scavengers, Raccoons in Florida have fallen upon such harsh times they've grown a taste for human flesh, formed hunting gangs, and resorted to brutally assaulting the elderly such as 74 year old Gretchen Whitted from Lakeland. At press time, the police have yet to determine this gang's motivation or regional affiliation, but the level of wanton disregard for human life would suggest Columbian or Russian ties.
Somewhere, a black bear just shit its pants.
No comments:
Post a Comment